Maths Tests

Maths Tests
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For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and
comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this
and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.

Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES

Name ____________________________

Nickname__________________________

Gang Name________________________


1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of coc..aine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300
quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the
rest of his hold?

2. Damon pim..ps 3 bit..ches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs
per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day co..ke
ha..bit?

3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of coc..aine he bought for 7,000 quid to
make a 20% profit. How many grams of Stryc..hnine will he need?

4. Trev got 6 years for mur..der. He also got GBP350,000 for the h..it. If
his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left
when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for ki..lling the
slap..per that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average
letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid
ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?

6. Liam ste..als Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of
35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds
to load the g..un, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets wha..cked?

MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS

Name____________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)

School _______________________________________________

Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________


1. Harry sma..shes up the old man's car, causing x amount of dam..age and
kil..ling 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Cons..table to
intervene in the co..urt system, then forges his insurance claim and
receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the
life insu..rance settlement for the three de..ad people. What kind of car
is Harry driving now?

2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand
products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of
a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't
even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Tristram fancies the ar..se off a certain number of debutants, but he
only has enough Rohy..pnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14
tablets of Rohy..pnol, how is he ever going to sh..ag the other two thirds?

4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8
Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make
do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does lipos..uction cost?

5. Henry is unsure about his se..xuality. Three days a week he fancies
women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However
he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for
parliament?